I find that the more I read, the more I think, and the more I think, the more horrible I feel until my head aches and I just feel nauseous.
I find that the more I paint, the less I want to talk to people, and the more easily annoyed I am by them.
I find that the more I listen to music, the louder everything else gets, and the more I want to escape this world and the more detached I am from it.
I feel like I’m torturing myself when I’m reading or painting or listening to music, but I can’t stop it.
I don’t want to have to tell my friend that I’m busy every time I want to be alone. I just want to be alone without having to talk to anyone. I don’t like these ties. I’ll laugh and be friendly and enjoy company, but I have lost my desire and appetite for it. Just leave me alone to my books, my music, and my art.
But then I think about it sometimes, and I realize that maybe it’s all just a phase. I do love my friends. I will miss them after a long time of being by myself. I mean, no matter how disgusted I am by others, I will always be a part of them. I am no artist and I am not on an extreme end of the spectrum. In reality, they are not the other, but we are an us. And it’s normal to want to go away for a bit. That’s just what music, art, and books do to me. I’m sure it’s normal to want a chance to be alone. I guess this is my time.
