Anonymous asked:
After you dumped him? For what reason, dear? I don’t say this because I think it would happen, but… if he cheated on you? If you lost your feelings for him?
I think you say that because you haven’t dumped him or you haven’t got any good reason to dump him. I think you say that because you still have feelings for him. I think by “dumped”, you mean “said goodbye in hopes that he’ll come back to me”.
Now, pretend that you have no feelings for him anymore. If that is too difficult for you to do, imagine that your boyfriend is… let’s say… Boo Radley’s evil twin brother. Now, you just broke up with Mr. Radley and you don’t want to have anything romantically involved with him because he just cheated on you for… let’s say… Bellatrix Lestrange. And then he comes running after you and grabs you and starts kissing you passionately despite your struggles to escape and then he gets down on one knee and begs you to come back in front of all your shocked (and somewhat disgusted) friends, one of which has spilled her Slurpie from 7-Eleven all over the front of her shirt.
How would you like that?
You might think that it’s sweet that he put down his manliness for you, but wouldn’t it be easier if he just let you go so you wouldn’t start second guessing yourself and feeling sorry for him? Let’s say he succeeds and you agree to be with him again. And then he cheats on you again and you get hurt. Hon, if you left him for a good reason, just go through with it and cut the whole head off the chicken. You might save yourself from being hurt the second time. If you totally believe that Mr. Radley is being honest about how he’ll never cheat on you again… well, okay, it’s your choice. But he doesn’t have to go causing a huge mess of Slurpie and complications by coming back to you like that. If you want him back, well, go and do it yourself.
Now, not every breakup is as easy and clean cut as that. Sometimes feelings are still there, but your boyfriend just isn’t treating you the way you want him to. Should you leave and find someone who’ll treat you better, or should you stay and endure the fact that your boyfriend picks his nose in front of your parents and proceeds to wipe his boogers on your shoulder? Here comes one of the most important things in every relationship. Communication.
Calmly tell him what you don’t like. It might be awkward, but if you can’t do this with your boyfriend, the future looks pretty bleak. If Mr. Boogerboy refuses to change or gets angry with you and stops listening, you know he’s not the right guy for you because he’s not willing to make an adjustment for his girlfriend, which I think is what a guy would do for the girl he loves. If, even after that, you still want to be with him, okay. That’s your choice. Now go and get some tissues.
If you break up with Mr. Boogerboy because you think it’ll help him change and stop taking you for granted… I don’t agree with playing like that. It shows that you obviously don’t mean what you say. Be straightforward to avoid confusion. If you regret saying something straight from the heart, you can always tell yourself, “but I meant what I said and I didn’t have to pretend anything”. Keep it real. Plus, if you break up with a guy expecting that he’ll come back with a trail of snot running down and he doesn’t… well. Hm. That didn’t work out so well, did it? Oh, well, at least you save some money on tissues.
Another thing I cannot stress well enough is don’t stay with a boy or agree to go out with him when the biggest reason you’re doing so is pity. This is easier said than done, but it is so important. Why be with a guy you don’t truly love? “Oh, give him a chance, maybe I’ll love him later!” Big bargain to make, miss.
Like it or not, if you pity a guy because no one likes him, fully understand the reason why no one likes him before deciding to go out with him. Understand the reason and then think to yourself, are these reasons enough to create problems in the future? Finally, think to yourself, do you love him? Does he love you? If not, forget it. You can be his friend, but you don’t have to be his girlfriend to help him out. If you agree to be with him regardless of the whole “don’t go out with a guy out of pity thing”, think about how you would feel if your boyfriend went out with you not because he loved you, but because he pitied you. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be happy about that.
That being said, don’t agree to go back to a boy because you feel sorry for him as he kneels on the ground and begs you to stay with him.
Don’t break up with a boy because you want him to come back and stop taking you for granted. That’s creating pain where you didn’t have to because you could’ve just sat down and talked to him.
