toxic friends? what did they do to you :/ i can relate to you on that
I didn’t hang out with many people when it came to an everyday thing, so it was just one person who I can really say was really toxic (passive aggressive, made me feel bad about myself, didn’t seem to genuinely care about me or listen to me, asked me questions only to answer them herself and disregard what I said) and some other people who I just wasn’t happy with because I couldn’t seem to develop a close connection with them due to different experiences, backgrounds, etc. or who made me feel uncomfortable because I felt like I had to censor myself or change myself in order to fit in. So saying “toxic people” like it’s plural is mostly a mistake on my part; I think it would be more accurate to say “toxic people and people who I don’t want to be close friends with”. Saying goodbye to one person led to saying goodbye to a whole lot of other people, and I didn’t make much effort at all to make new friendships. The fact that I disliked the majority of the students at my high school didn’t exactly help. I was (and am) very annoyed and angry about my high school, which had a lot of things wrong with its students (and parents). I still think I have good reason to be grossed out by many of the students at my high school, but I shouldn’t have let it close me off from everyone. I did have a small number of people who I did find connections with, but I settled with being alone (and I’m not gonna lie; I liked being alone) and didn’t bother with hanging out with them that much. My biggest problem with this was that I made Raymond a substitute; meaning that maybe yeah, I needed more time with other people and definitely yeah, I put all my eggs in one basket. I loved being the outsider looking in (high school students are like fascinating and sometimes disgusting animals), and I didn’t like thinking about having to deal with vapid, selfish classmates and I was also too lazy to join friend groups with people who I actually liked, though they would’ve welcomed me and some actually invited me in. So yeah…I settled when I should’ve put more effort in. I did choose to be a loner in high school. I did enjoy it. But…that didn’t mean it was good for me. Cigarettes and chocolate milk.